Dealing With Death - Acceptance and Strength.

Be assured that you will never be the same after the death of your loved one. The death of someone close to you is not something that anyone 'gets over'. In fact, it's something that most people don't want to get over. Getting over something implies forgetting about it and the last thing that you'll want to do is to forget about your wife, husband, father, mother, brother, sister, or friend. This in turn does not mean that someone who has recently been bereaved should live by, or in, the past. The aim is to accept that they have gone, draw strength from the past, and let go of the pain.

The ideal, perhaps, is to have joyful, invigorating memories of the past with no diminishing of the present. Strength comes from the memories of shared experiences. These can be the memories of single, frivolous incidents that made both of you laugh, but perhaps more important are the memories of significant incidents that reinforced the beliefs in the values that you shared in your relationship. Typically, these might include: honesty, integrity, supportiveness, respect, trust and devotion.

These memories will help in two ways. When you feel yourself slipping into pessimism and depression they will remind you of how you loved, and were loved, and will sustain you in what will be exceptionally difficult times.

The poem "Togetherness" written by Henry Scott Holland, from Fibres of Faith, sums up for me the unmentionable word "Death" that most of us don't wish to hear, and believe it will give you inner strength and maybe help you understand "Death" in a new and understanding way.


Death is nothing at all. I have only slipped away into the next room. I am I, and you are you. Whatever we were to each other that we are still are. Call me by my old familiar name, speak to me in the easy way you always used. Put no difference into your tone, wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow. Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together. Play, smile, think of me. Pray for me. Let my name be the household name it was. Let it be spoken without the shadow of a ghost in it. Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was. What is death but negligible accident. Why should I be out of your mind because I am out of sight. All is well, nothing is lost. One brief moment and all will be as it was before.

Henry Scott Holland

Michael O'Donovan Esq.

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