With Death - Acceptance and Strength.
Be assured that you will never be the
same after the death of your loved one. The death of someone
close to you is not something that anyone 'gets over'. In
fact, it's something that most people don't want
to get over. Getting over something implies forgetting about
it and the last thing that you'll want to do is to forget
about your wife, husband, father, mother, brother, sister,
or friend. This in turn does not mean that someone who has
recently been bereaved should live by, or in, the past. The
aim is to accept that they have gone, draw strength from the
past, and let go of the pain.
The ideal, perhaps, is to have joyful, invigorating memories
of the past with no diminishing of the present. Strength comes
from the memories of shared experiences. These can
be the memories of single, frivolous incidents that made both
of you laugh, but perhaps more important are the memories
of significant incidents that reinforced the beliefs in the
values that you shared in your relationship. Typically, these
might include: honesty, integrity, supportiveness, respect,
trust and devotion.
These memories will help in two ways. When you feel yourself
slipping into pessimism and depression they will remind you
of how you loved, and were loved, and will sustain
you in what will be exceptionally difficult times.
The poem "Togetherness" written by
Henry Scott Holland, from Fibres of Faith, sums
up for me the unmentionable word "Death"
that most of us don't wish to hear, and believe it will give
you inner strength and maybe help you understand "Death"
in a new and understanding way.
Death is nothing at
all. I have only slipped away into the next
room. I am I, and you are you. Whatever we were
to each other that we are still are. Call me
by my old familiar name, speak to me in the
easy way you always used. Put no difference
into your tone, wear no forced air of solemnity
or sorrow. Laugh as we always laughed at the
little jokes we enjoyed together. Play, smile,
think of me. Pray for me. Let my name be the
household name it was. Let it be spoken without
the shadow of a ghost in it. Life means all
that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever
was. What is death but negligible accident.
Why should I be out of your mind because I am
out of sight. All is well, nothing is lost.
One brief moment and all will be as it was before.
Michael O'Donovan Esq.